1 Year Clean

Hello everyone!

Today is a pretty special for me, so I wanted to write a post to celebrate it. A year ago, I self harmed for the last time. I’m now a year closer to a full recovery and in a much better place. This time last year, things were awful for me. I won’t go into detail because that’s not what matters right now, but my point is that I had no hope left for myself. I didn’t expect to make it to the end of the school year, and I felt like my only reason to try was the fact that I was putting my friends through so much and hurting them just as much as I was hurting myself.

A year ago today, I didn’t do anything special. I don’t remember the day at all, because it was nothing significant, but it somehow became such a turning point in my life. I didn’t plan to stop self harming, although I wanted to, and I didn’t expect that a year later I’d be in a much better place. The only thing indicating recovery was that, I had just started counselling, but I didn’t expect anything to come of it, however it turns out that holding on that little bit longer took me a long way.

It gets better is the most repeated phrase I have ever heard about recovery, but in the last year, I’ve come to realise that it’s as true as it is overused.  The past year has been difficult, and although there have been ups and downs, I’m definitely going up overall. Each day gets a little bit brighter and easier, and those little bits add up to a huge amount across a year.

Something I want to point out is that this is not my first attempt at recovering from self harm; last time I relapsed after over 2 years. That was a reason why I doubted myself and didn’t want to try again, but if you’re deciding not to recover because past attempts have been unsuccessful, remember: the only thing that guarantees you won’t recover is choosing not to. You have to take every chance you can to get better. My past failures mean nothing to me now, and haven’t impacted my recovery this time around. I won’t lie and say that I don’t fear a relapse after what happened last time, but I don’t see that as something that will happen again now I’ve learned how to deal with urges properly.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in this last year- I am so grateful for everyone I have around me. Your support really does mean so much to me, and you have helped me more than I can ever say. Thank you to my old therapist, for getting me on the right track, and my current counsellor, for helping to keep me on it. Thank you all of my tutors at college for always being there to listen, and to all of my friends there for making me the happiest I’ve ever been, and lifting me up when I’m down.

Choose recovery. Even if you’re in the same place I was, with no hope left. Even if you’ve tried before and relapsed. Even if you are currently getting clean but want to give up. You have the power to turn your life around- use it. My post on getting help might help if you want to seek professional support, which I would recommend completely, but even if you don’t feel able or ready to, or if you don’t want to, know that you can get better however works best for you. Also, remember that there is no shame in seeking help. I’ve been in therapy for over  a year now (with a few different therapists, and slightly on-and-off due to waiting lists and referrals taking a while), and I’m not ashamed of that- if anything, I’m proud I turned things around and got help, and got clean. You’ll feel the same, because if you really do put all of your effort into recovery, you will make it.

Thank you for reading! I hope you have found this post helpful and I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. Keep growinggg!

-Eden

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